I’m beginning to think it ain’t happenin’.
It’s doubtful! Sob.
I’ll never reach adulthood. Sob. Sob.
I thought for certain I would be grown up by age forty. Didn’t happen.
Then I thought, “Fifty. That must be my magic number. Everyone I know who is fifty is sure enough grown up.” I missed again.
I passed sixty without a shot at maturity. And, now, at sixty-six, I am confined mentally and emotionally to my teens. If life was fair, I would also be physically confined to my teens instead of this wretched arthritic body.
I may be the first human to move into my second childhood without ever having left my first childhood. It will be a smooth segue. There’ll be no traumatic passage, just a gentle step from Alice & Jerry into Facebook.
I’m going to look up “maturity” and see what it says.
None of the definitions was very flattering. Here are a few samples.
“(1): having completed natural growth and development: Ripe
(2): having undergone maturation
b: having attained a final or desired state like a mature wine
d: of, relating to, or being an older adult: Elderly”
Those definitions were no good. They are unkind. I decided to turn to the printing industry’s most famed and earliest salesperson, Ben Franklin. He will have some answers. He was mature. He grew up. Let’s see what he tells us about maturity and about sales.
When I did the research, I found Ben had thirteen rules for virtue and maturity.
I think I will test myself against Ben’s rules.
“Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation”. Whoops! I failed that one from my late teens until about age forty-five. But man, did I ever pay a price for all that great food and libation? I won’t bore you with all the great stories about my exploits. Actually, my memory is a little hazy like the nest morning when I couldn’t remember where I parked the car in the French Quarter. Wanna sell? Wanna grow up? Don’t overeat or drink until you’re soused! Don’t get mad at the Maňana Man. This is Ben Franklin talking.
“Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.” Adults and great salespeople listen. The ask questions and then shut up to listen to others. The objective is to learn and to make the other person feel important. If Ben was alive today, he would tell us to avoid trifling web-surfing, video games and cable TV surfing. I marvel at how productive print salespeople would be if they learn to ask good indirect questions and to “trifling” activities. I worry when I walk into a printing company sales office and all the PC screens are displaying Solitaire.
“Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.” Adults and great salespeople are always well-organized. Good organization creates more time to sell and to make deposits at the bank.
“Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.” I never said Ben Franklin was a great writer. People in the eighteenth century talked funny which is why we probably never learned these lessons very well. Franklin is telling us to keep our promises, especially those we make to ourselves. I have always been able to use visualization to foresee some outcome I am seeking. I keep the promise. It frequently takes a hell of long time to achieve.
“Frugality: Make no expense but do good to others or yourself,i.e., waste nothing.” I fail this Franklinism completely. My extravagance is a key element in my immaturity. It has been my undoing all my life. I guess I’m trying to buy love.
“Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.” Print salespeople are supposed to be visiting customers, speaking with customers, researching new customers, communicating customer orders to the plant and not administering the office NCAA Basketball Tournament pool.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; if you speak, speak accordingly.” Ben is telling us to tell the truth — the number one expectation of print buyers.
“Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.” Ben’s number eight sounds like his number seven. But you get it. He means do the right thing.
“Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.” There he goes again. I don’t think Ben could have written a column for PI. I think what he’s telling us is that mature print salespeople avoid “being over the top” (extremes) in their hair style, makeup, clothing, automobiles, behavior and communication.
“Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes or habitation.” Here’s one we can all understand, I hope. This is one that I do pass.
“Tranquiltiy: Be not disturbed at trifles or at accidents common or unavoidable.” Ben is telling us that mature people everything in stride. They don’t sweat the small stuff. Salespeople who lose it over life’s many bumps and potholes are never successful. Their minds are consumed with fret and anger and they don’t think about where they will find the next customer.
“Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring — never to dullness, weakness or injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.” Some of you may say, “Now Ben has gone to meddlin’. Furthermore, Ben has a reputation with the ladies. There is merit in this admonition, however, and you don’t need me to remind you of all the platitudes and the disasters that have occurred over romance in the office.
“Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates. This is hard for all of us but a characteristic that endears us to our customers. I always came by this trait naturally since my shortcomings were always so manifestly evident.
“Ne’er be given to extolling oneself too seriously.” Okay, this one is not Ben’s. It’s mine. Customers hate salespeople who take themselves too seriously. They love salespeople who take their work seriously. They love salespeople who take them seriously.
“Wait not me kinsman. Hasten to go about and sell something.” Okay. You guessed it. Number fifteen is mine also and you know what it means. I’m going to try to convince my eight grandchildren that I’m a wise and mature grandfather. I have been unable to convince their grandmother.
